Searching for Release
by HPHGRoleplaygroups
Summary: Katniss and Peeta are dealing with the reconstruction of themselves and District 12 after the terrible Rebellion. Peeta must learn to control his attacks, and Katniss must figure out what her subconscious is trying to tell her. Set five years after Mockingjay.
1. Still Needed

1. Still Needed

I stared at the book that was now complete. The book that held so many memories that couldn't be altered or lost. Its hard cover was worn down from five years of use. Peeta and I had spent many endless hours on this object, sometimes even full days. As I fingered through the pages of it, I felt more complete. This was just one more step towards trying to heal myself. Of course, I would never be fully healed; it would be ridiculous to think that. However, looking through this completed set of pages helped bring some closure. It helped remind me that there was no more starvation. No more Rebellion. No more Hunger Games.

I continued to look over the pages until I was brought to a certain one: The page that was so carefully written on in my handwriting, so delicately drawn on, and had featured Prim and Gale.

I was instantly reminded of the warm air and Gale lifting Prim up so that she sat on his shoulders. He twirled her around and she laughed. I sat back on the grass of the meadow, soaking up the sun on the perfect Saturday. Once I heard Prim's mellifluous squeaks of laughter, I couldn't help but smile to myself.

I quickly shut the book and stacked it onto the polished desk where my mother and Prim normally worked. A tear leaked out of my eye, but I didn't wipe it away. I just glanced around the study, remembering the conversation with President Snow and the disgusting scent the roses left behind.

After a long time, I stood up and walked out the door of the study, silently closing the door behind me. I walked down the hall towards the living room where I finally lay down on the couch and continued to cry. I was praying for Peeta to decide to come home early from the bakery.

It wasn't long before I heard footsteps coming up the front door steps and the turn of the door knob. I was full of relief when I saw Peeta coming through the door. He caught my eye and realized that I had been crying. "Katniss?" He immediately ran over to me, even with his muddy boots on, and gathered me in his arms.

I continued to cry into his shoulder for a couple minutes. We were silent, apart from my sobs, as Peeta stroked my back and played with my hair. After a while, the pressure of his fingers on my back helped me relax and I let out a tired sigh. Peeta caught it.

"Let's get you upstairs," he said. He was pulling away and getting ready to help me up to bed, but I quickly grabbed his hand.

"No. Stay here with me," I whispered.

I patted a small space on the couch next to me. Peeta hesitated and gave a glance at the stairs. I knew he was thinking that it was better for me to just go upstairs and sleep on the bed, but he gave up after a few seconds and crawled in next to me. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him as we squeezed ourselves onto the small couch. I heard Peeta sigh as he dug his head into the crook of my neck.

"I missed you," he said, his voice muffled in my shirt. I let out a little laugh after I sniffed, finally able to stop crying.

"I was with you this morning." I smiled as I gently played with the little strands of Peeta's blond hair.

"Yeah, and it still wasn't enough," muttered Peeta.

We became silent. I just continued to play with Peeta's hair while his breathing slowed. I knew he was falling asleep. This was our routine. I even started to hum. Eventually, I fell asleep, too.

* * *

I was at a place that I had never been to before. I was in the middle of a path. Four paths, actually. They all intersected at one point. I looked around. There was nothing in sight, just the endless paths that spread out in four different directions. There were mountains in the distance, but no buildings or people.

"Katniss."

I snapped my head in the direction of the familiar voice. I was staring right into the beautiful blue eyes of Prim. I couldn't do anything. Seeing her made me paralyzed. She was supposed to be dead. So why was she standing before me smiling and happy?

"Prim," I eventually managed to choke out. She gave a bigger smile.

"I was hoping I would run into you one of these times," she said. "I didn't expect it to take this long, but I'm glad it finally came."

I gave her a perplexed look. "Didn't expect what?"

"Our final goodbye," she stated simply.

I shook my head and ran over to her and pulled her into my arms. She returned the embrace, resting her head on my chest.

"No. I will never let go of you," I told her. "You're safe now."

I could feel Prim shake her head and she started to pull away. I wouldn't let her, though. I held her tighter. It didn't matter, though, because somehow she still managed to get out of my arms and walk back a few steps.

"Katniss, it's time for me to go." What? She couldn't go. She was here now! Why wouldn't she want to stay here with me?

I became frantic. I started walking towards Prim so I could gather her into my arms again, but every step I took towards her sent her back five more. I didn't understand. She never wanted me to leave. I needed her like she needed me. We needed each other.

"No, Prim. I need you here with me. Come back for me! For our mother!" I begged. I was hysterical. I couldn't think about anything other than the fact that Prim was right here in front of me, but she wouldn't come closer. I couldn't do anything about it.

"Listen," whispered Prim. "You're strong, just like I always knew you were." She said this with a smile, but I didn't smile back. "You're needed here."

I shook my head and began to interrupt. "But everything is over! There is nothing left for me to do!"

Prim stepped closer to me, but not close enough for me to reach her. She continued to smile, but I saw a small tear slip away from her eye. "Are you sure?"

I thought for a moment. The Rebellion was over. I nodded. There was no use for the Mockingjay anymore. She could barely keep her sanity, she killed Coin instead of Snow, she almost committed suicide, she has nightmares every night, and she wasn't strong, not anymore at least. "No one needs me."

Prim's smile faded. "You're wrong. There is so much more that you still need to do. But don't worry, I'll always be waiting for you."

Prim pressed her three middle fingers to her lips and then raised them in the air facing me. She gave a big smile as she saluted me. Then she started to slowly slip away as she took one of the paths to nowhere.

I ran after her screaming, "Prim! Prim! Come back!"

It was too late. She was already gone. I heard her say my name over and over again. _Katniss. Katniss, wake up. Wake up._

"Katniss!"

I sat up extremely fast and felt a wave of nausea hit me. I had just enough time to turn over and vomit on the floor. I continued to vomit, grimacing at the burning sensation in my throat. I was reminded again of the scent of Snow's roses and the sight of Prim being blown into bits. My mind was suddenly running through all of these memories and couldn't stop. I gripped the hand that was holding onto mine so tightly that I was sure I was causing pain. I made more puddles of vomit as I continued to be disgusted with all the terrible things that I've seen.

"Stop, stop, stop," I begged repeatedly.

I was vaguely aware of Peeta's other hand rubbing my back. I shut my eyes, trying to get rid of my massive headache. After a few minutes, I quit vomiting and focused on controlling my short, ragged breaths. I tried to calm myself.

"It's okay, Katniss. You'll be fine."

I leaned my forehead on Peeta's shoulders and his arms wrapped around me. He gently rocked me and I started shaking my head. He shouldn't have been taking care of me; I had just had a bad dream, that was all. He was the one that I needed to look over. I tried to straighten out and tell Peeta that I was fine, but all of my limbs felt so heavy.

"Let's get you to bed," whispered Peeta into my ear.

I tried to get up on my own, but I lost my balance and leaned into Peeta. He picked me up into his arms and carried me up to the bedroom. Once we got there, Peeta helped me change out of my vomit-covered clothes and then tucked me into bed. Peeta went to the bathroom and brought me back a cool, wet cloth and put it over my eyes. I sighed in relief.

"Peeta, don't leave me," I whispered as I heard him leave the room.

I could feel Peeta's lips right in front of mine, his warm breath on my face. "I'll be right back, I promise."

He quickly kissed my cheek and I felt him stroke my hair before he left. It didn't matter what time he came back to bed because I was already entering the darkness that came as soon as he left.

* * *

**Hello, everyone! **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Hillary Izzy Blair and I (tonks-quinn57) have decided to collaborate and write a Hunger Games FanFiction! This is my first time writing a Hunger Games FF, but it isn't for HIB. Please, check out HIB's stories.  
**

**HIB and I will be updating once a week. We've already started to begin the seventh chapter, so hopefully no updating issues will occur!  
**

**Oh! Don't forget to review! We would love to know what you think. If you have any suggestions, comments, questions, or advice, please let us know! See you next week!  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	2. Not Really Fine

2. Not Really Fine

I immediately woke up to a bright light shining through the window, straight into my eyes. I glanced around, finally settling on Katniss's sprawled out figure next to me, piles of blankets entangling her. So that's where all of the blankets had gone... I was starting to remember the cold chill that was running through me last night. I must have been too tired and exhausted to go fetch some blankets.

I mentally shrugged, not really caring. I was about to get up and head off to the bakery until I got a second glance at Katniss. I noticed that she was extremely pale, even a little green, and was shaking. It seemed as if she was not wearing the blankets at all. I wrapped them more tightly around her and then reached for her forehead, checking her temperature. She was burning up.

My touch made Katniss stir. Her eyes slowly opened and she blinked several times. She looked confused as she glanced around our room. Once her eyes fell on me, she seemed to realize where she was.

"Good morning," I whispered. I gave her a small smile as I reached over and stroked her hair.

Katniss let out a groan and dug her head into her pillow. I could tell that today was not going to be a good day for her. As I tried to comfort her, I was debating in my head whether I should go to the bakery today or stay home.

"How are you feeling?"

Katniss lifted her head slightly and said, "Fine." Of course, this meant she wasn't.

I shook my head, not believing her. "You're lying." She was about to protest, but she rested her head back on the pillow. She was too tired to argue. "Honestly, how are you feeling?" I asked again.

Katniss squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "I feel like I'm going to throw up again."

"Hold on," I said gently.

I kissed her on the cheek before I headed over to the bathroom and wet a washcloth with cool water. I quickly came back and rested it over her eyes and forehead. Katniss was shaking.

"Do you feel cold?" I smoothed some loose hairs away from her face.

All Katniss could do was barely nod, her eyes still tightly shut. I tried to get her to relax. After taking the washcloth off, I gently massaged her face. I saw that it helped a bit, but Katniss was starting to violently shake. Her clammy hands were attempting to hug herself, but she could barely move.

"Katniss, I'm going to get Dr. Lewis. I'll call Haymitch and get him to look after you. I'll be right downstairs," I reassured Katniss.

I moved towards the door, but before I was even fully standing, Katniss was able to move her hand and reach out for my wrist. The movement must have caused quite a bit of pain because Katniss quickly sucked in air and paused for several seconds. I started to get a little impatient.

"Katniss, I really need to go get a doctor. You aren't well."

I glanced at the doorway. I was wasting precious time. I needed to call Haymitch and fetch Dr. Lewis now. While I continued to wait impatiently, Katniss just groaned and shook her head, her hand still on my wrist, not wanting to let go. I went over to Katniss and leaned in close to her ear.

"I will be back and you will be better. But, if you want to get better, you need to let me go." I tried to peel her fingers from my wrist. "Katniss, let go."

She eventually let go of my hand and curled up into her previous position. I leaned over and kissed her on her forehead, not caring that I could possibly get what she was getting. I stroked her hair one last time before leaving.

"I love you," I whispered. "Try to rest."

She gave an imperceptible nod and then closed her eyes. I quickly walked downstairs to the phone.

"Haymitch. Katniss is really sick and I need you to watch over her as I get Dr. Lewis. Can you please come over?"

Haymitch mumbled a quick "sure," and before he could say any more, I hung up the phone, put shoes on, and slammed the front door shut behind me. Today was a somewhat chilly day, but I didn't bother to go back into the house to grab a jacket. I ran down the familiar street of the Victor's Village and then crossed through various yards to the newly built town square. I passed the Undersee building, the sweet shop, and quickly made it to the hospital.

The square was full of people running daily errands, stopping to talk, and enjoying the newly built town. I continued to run, dodging many people while saying "excuse me" and "sorry." I finally made it to the hospital and ran to the main desk where a smiling woman stood.

"Good morning, Peeta," she said, smiling wide.

"Morning, I need to talk to Dr. Lewis." I said, catching my breath. "Please," I added.

"Oh, of course. It'll just be a minute." The woman, who knew me well from my hallucination visits, went around the desk and through a door. I leaned against the counter, trying to diagnose Katniss myself. Was it just a really bad cold... or was it something worse?

"Peeta, what seems to be the problem?" Dr. Lewis, a man in his forties with brown hair that had begun to thin out and blue eyes, entered the waiting room. He removed the latex gloves from his hands and let his stethoscope hang from his neck. I shook his hand when he got to me.

"It's Katniss, actually. She's not very well. I was wondering if you could come and see her. She's not in any fit state to come here," I explained, feeling as if I was pleading. Dr. Lewis just nodded his head.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. You go home and take care of her until I get there," he said, smiling at me. I exhaled in relief. I was positive that Katniss would make it until then.

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed, shaking his hand again.

"Don't worry about it, Peeta. We owe you for what you did during the Rebellion." Dr. Lewis walked back into the room that he came from, and I hurried home to make sure Katniss and Haymitch were both fine. I wasn't entirely sure that Haymitch would know how to deal with sick people.

* * *

**Hello, again!**

**Sorry this is such a short chapter, but with one review, two "added to Favorite Stories list," and SEVEN Story Alerts, HIB and I decided to be a little generous. So, we have decided to give you another chapter! HIB and I have really enjoyed writing this story so far and it seems that the more chapters we write, the more we improve! Hopefully, you think the same. Can you believe that HIB and I are already done with chapter seven? Perhaps if you guys showed a little love, then we'd be nice enough to disregard our "one-week updates" and instead post much sooner! So, what do you say, eh?  
**

**Please review and let us know what you think of the story so far. Feel free to give comments, questions, advice, or really anything. See you soon, hopefully before our "weekly update."  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	3. Something Real

3. Something Real

I ran home just as quickly as I ran to the hospital. When I finally reached the door, I could barely breathe. Sharp pains ran through my abdomen every time I inhaled air. I made a quick mental note to exercise more in the future. Being a baker may have made my arms strong, but it certainly didn't make me run faster.

I quickly stopped thinking about my physical abilities as I opened the door. My thoughts suddenly sharpened and focused on the one thing that truly mattered to me: Katniss. I ran into the living room and saw Haymitch sitting, reading a magazine. He looked shockingly calm and focused on the magazine.

"What the hell are you-" I screamed, but I was cut off too quickly.

"Before you get your panties in a wad, Katniss is asleep. I gave her some of the sleep syrup in your medicine cabinet," explained Haymitch, not looking up from his magazine.

"Well, I'm going to go check up on her. Thank you, Haymitch. If you want to stay, you're welcome to," I quickly said behind me as I ran up the stairs, not really caring at all what Haymitch did.

"Well, I just got here, didn't I?" I heard him mumble.

I was at the bedroom door and I gently opened it, making sure to not make any noise. Katniss always complained about how I was too loud for the woods. There were always so many things scattered around the forest floor that it was almost impossible to not make noise. But this time I made sure that I was as quiet as a mouse. I went to the side of our bed and saw her lying on her side, her eyes closed. Her chest slowly moved up and down as she breathed deeply and soothingly. However, her eyebrows were intensely furrowed. I wondered what she was dreaming about.

I slowly moved my hand and stroked her hair gently. I couldn't move my eyes away from her face. She was so beautiful, even now with her hair a mess, her face covered in sweat, and the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. I could stare at her for forever and never get bored. A mental image of a child with her features came to my mind. A little girl laughing and running around us, wanting to play, dance, and sing. A little girl I could call my own.

I sighed at the fantasy that had formed in my head. I knew it was never going to happen. Katniss didn't want kids even though the Hunger Games were over. In a way I completely understood, and in other ways I was completely clueless. I understood that Katniss was still worried that something might happen in the future, and that she still was touchy on the subject of children, but I couldn't understand why she wouldn't listen to me at all. She was still determined as usual that nothing was going to change her mind, and I was finally convinced that Katniss wouldn't either.

I heard a knock on the outside of the bedroom door and turned around to see Dr. Lewis. He was holding a little black medical bag as he walked through the door and walked towards the nearby desk. He gently and calmly placed the bag on the desk and began pulling out instruments that I had never even seen or heard of. Must have been from the Capitol.

"So, Peeta, tell me. When did Katniss start becoming sick?" Dr. Lewis drew out his notepad.

"Um, I'm not sure, really. She had been getting nightmares more often. You know how it is..." I trailed off.

Dr. Lewis nodded his head in understanding. "I certainly do." He tilted his head to the side, giving a sympathetic glance at Katniss. "Poor girl."

All I could do was stare at Katniss. _Poor girl. _Those words kept repeating in my head and I was once again reminded of everything she had been through. Everything _we _had been through. Although I was happy that the Hunger Games was over, this wasn't supposed to have happened. There wasn't supposed to be another Rebellion. My family was supposed to still be alive and I was supposed to grow up and bake. Gale was supposed to marry Katniss. Prim would eventually grow up to be like her mother. She would take care of everyone and learn the ways of medicine. But nothing happens the way it's supposed to.

"Peeta." I was brought back to reality.

"Hmmm?" I finally took my gaze off of Katniss and turned towards Dr. Lewis.

"Are you all right?" Dr. Lewis gave me a look that I couldn't decipher. I gave a small nod. "Well," he began again. "Katniss is fine, but I'm sure she has the flu. It's been getting around here. Don't worry, she'll be fine, but she will need quite a bit of rest."

I nodded again. I could feel it coming. I needed to get him out of here.

"Thank you Dr. Lewis," I said, doing my best to keep my voice calm and steady. "You're right; rest is what she needs. I trust you can let yourself out." By the time I had asked him to leave, I was already losing it. It was with shock that Dr. Lewis got up, reaching his hand out to me.

"Here is some medicine. Just have her take two tablets every eight hours. Wake her up if you need to." He shook my hand, but I let go quickly to prevent myself from squeezing it in fear. Why was I having an attack _now? _The doctor exited the room and I heard him say goodbye to Haymitch. My breathing became staggered and I felt a little dizzy. Images flashed before my eyes: My dad giving my brothers and me sugar cookies from the bakery, Effie Trinket calling my name out at the reaping, Katniss savagely ripping my leg off... I gripped the bed post tightly, trying to stay present and remember the truth.

"Haymitch!" I shouted. I didn't care if I woke Katniss up. If I was going to go after her, I wanted her to have some chance of protecting herself, even if she was sick. A moment later, Haymitch bursted into our room, his eyes panicked and roving around the room for any sign of trouble. When he saw me, almost doubled over with the pain of my memories, he snapped into action. I couldn't tell what he did first because the image of Katniss turning into a mutt and choking me filled my brain.

The next thing I knew, Haymitch had taken my arm and was pulling me out of the room. I opened my eyes in surprise and, of course, all I saw was Katniss, still fast asleep in bed. Her dark hair had been swept out of her face, and her pale face shone with the sweat of the fever. Anger overtook me and I tried to wrench my arm from Haymitch's grasp.

"Peeta, stop!" He grunted, tightening his grip on me.

"She's a mutt! Kill her!" I screamed. I thrashed around, loosening Haymitch's hand and finally getting free. I looked around me for some sort of weapon. Blind rage had taken over every particle of my being. I needed her to be dead and gone. She was the reason for all my grief. Before I could pick up the scissors from the dressing table, Haymitch had grabbed me by both wrists. He twisted my arms back and held them like I was being arrested. I yelled in pain and fury. In all the fighting, I somehow managed to land with a heavy thud on the floor. Haymitch held me there, hoping I would calm down soon.

"Peeta?" Katniss' voice sounded through the room, slightly weary and definitely raspy.

"Stay there!" Haymitch's voice boomed. We struggled for a bit until I heard Katniss trying to sit up. She coughed and Haymitch told her to stay where she was again. But I knew Katniss. She wasn't going to sit back while someone was suffering - even if she did have the flu, and even if that person was dangerous to her. She didn't make it far before she was running to the bathroom to throw up again. I felt my heart beating fast against my rib cage as I lay my head down on the floor. Haymitch's knee dug uncomfortably into my back.

"Okay in there, Sweetheart?" Haymitch called to where Katniss was still being sick. There was no response. I knew why. Katniss hated putting in more effort than was needed whenever she was hurt or vulnerable... Why was I thinking this? Katniss was supposed to be a muttation designed by the Capitol to kill us all. _No, she isn't,_ I thought. The hallucinations must have been over.

"Get off me!" I ordered Haymitch. He didn't listen, which wasn't a surprise. "I'm fine! I promise." My voice sounded muffled against the floor.

Hesitantly, Haymitch stood up, holding me by one wrist as I got up. I could hardly breathe but my first thought was to get to Katniss. I pulled away from Haymitch and hurried into the adjoining bathroom. Katniss was kneeling beside the toilet, heaving her guts out. I knelt behind her, took her long hair out of her hand and held it for her. I rubbed my hand in slow circles over her back.

"Katniss, you're okay," I whispered in her ear. Once she stopped throwing up, I kissed her temple, letting the last feelings of hate seep out of me. "I love you, and that's the most real thing there is," I said for my sake more than hers. She leaned against me, her head resting on my chest, her eyes closed tight. I kissed her once more and then carried her back to bed. I felt just as exhausted as she must have. I crawled into bed beside her, not putting any blankets on us.

I wasn't sure what Haymitch did - if he stayed, went back downstairs, or went home - but I slept all afternoon with Katniss, finally feeling the effects of the war settle down in our home.

* * *

Several days had passed and Katniss seemed to be getting a little better. The problem was that it was only a slight improvement. I spent most of my mornings waking up alone, most of my afternoons at the bakery alone, and most of my evenings sitting next to Katniss while she slept. I made sure that she took her required medication, but other than that, I never bothered her. I was too scared to.

Miraculously, Katniss did wake up one afternoon feeling much better. I was downstairs reading the town newspaper. Katniss, finally able to get up, slowly walked downstairs towards me.

"Well, look who it is," I said, giving a wide smile. "You're up."

Katniss didn't have the reaction I had expected. Her face was very serious, almost as if she was going to tell me bad news. My smile faded.

"I need to do something," she stated with a firm tone.

"What do you need? Whatever it is, I can do it for you so you don't wear yourself out," I offered.

Stubborn as usual, Katniss shook her head and said, "No. I need to do this, but I do need your help."

I raised my eyebrows at her. "What exactly were you planning on doing, especially in your state?" I didn't care what she "needed" to do, there was no way she was leaving this house.

"I'm fine," she said, looking at me with those tired eyes. "I-I need to go to the Meadow."

Her eyes quickly darted away, and I knew what she wanted to do. "Not today," I said, shaking my head. Yes, I had said that Katniss was better, but she was in no condition to leave the house.

If only looks could kill. "You don't own me," hissed Katniss. "You don't want to help? Fine. I'll go myself."

She headed for the door, probably not realizing she was still in her night clothes and could barely walk. Her shaky legs were able to keep her up, but that was about it. As soon as she reached the door, her legs gave out and she was falling to the floor. Luckily, I was able to catch her just in time.

"Sorry, what did you want to say again?" I let out a shaky chuckle, slightly relieved that I caught her in time.

I was only teasing, but I noticed the look of worry on her face. "Peeta, please."

I was incredibly close to actually taking her there, but I instead decided to compromise. "How about tomorrow afternoon? We can watch the sunset with Prim. I think she would appreciate that."

"Stop trying to act like she's still alive," snapped Katniss. "We both know she's not."

Normally, whenever Katniss snapped at me, I would disregard it and make some mild comment about how cute it was when she snapped because her nose would scrunch up at the end, slightly resembling a pig. But, I could tell that now was definitely not the time to mention her slight resemblance to a pink, chubby animal. Instead, I was speechless from shock at the fact that Katniss snapped while talking about Prim being dead, and I felt bad because I hurt her when all I wanted to do was diffuse the situation. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. However, I was really upset by the fact that Katniss didn't respect that I believed Prim's spirit could still be present. I wasn't ever really the religious type, but I liked to believe that good souls could observe you from any angle, even after death, and even when they observed your faults, they easily forgave.

I stared back at Katniss for a while, hoping she'd take it back. Hoping she didn't really mean what she said. I could see the guilt forming in her eyes and the biting of her lip, but she remained silent. She was never the one to apologize, and I didn't understand why I was expecting her to be. I gently nodded my head and let Katniss sit.

"Okay," was all I said. I got up, went to the closet, grabbed my coat and opened the front door. "Do whatever you want, Katniss." And with that, I slammed the front door.

I ran down the front steps and clenched my fists into tight balls. How could she say that? How could she state that Prim wasn't watching us, just like that? It almost seemed as if she didn't want to think that that was even possible, and I didn't understand why. It seemed like the longer I was with Katniss, the more I couldn't understand her... and it scared me.

* * *

**Hi, hi!**

**So, it's Wednesday, roughly around the same time that I had posted the first chapter. HIB and I are sorry that we couldn't update sooner, but we also decided to write an original story for FictionPress (which we will be posting soon, hopefully), and I decided that I was going to update one of my Twilight FFs. Also, I was just recently in NYC to see Mary Poppins. GREAT SHOW.  
**

**Anyway, HIB and I are very pleased with our viewers! You guys are awesome! How about some more love, eh? More Reviews = More Motivation = More Writing = Quicker Updates! See the math? Make sense?  
**

**Anyway, HIB and I really hope you enjoy this chapter! Poor Katniss can be amazingly stubborn, and poor Peeta has to deal with it. Sounds just like the HG series. Ha ha. Please let us know (through a review or PM) what you think. Comment, ask questions, give advice, etc. We would love to hear from you!  
**

**Hope to see you soon before the week is up!  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	4. All Is Forgiven

4. All Is Forgiven

I went straight to the bakery and haven't left since. I've been sitting at one of the tables, constantly glancing at the clock ticking away. It was three in the morning and I hadn't been able to bring myself to sleep. I convinced myself that it was best to leave Katniss alone with her thoughts for a while, and that it would help me, too. First of all, attacks normally didn't come as often as nightmares, and when they did, I almost never felt such an intense wave of hatred towards Katniss. I usually just felt the pain and then resurfaced to reality. Now, I weighed down with the fact that I could be dangerous to Katniss. Secondly, I needed to calm down from the little disagreement we had.

I could feel every part of my body screaming to go to bed, but I knew that I would still be lying awake, thinking about how I am a possible danger. I couldn't let that ever happen again. I dug my face into my hands, shaking my head. After several minutes, I slammed my hands on the table in frustration and headed back to the house.

When I reached the house, it had no lights on and was eerily quiet. _She's obviously just sleeping, idiot, _I thought. I went inside and headed upstairs to the bedroom. I opened the door slightly, expecting to see a figure calmly sleeping in the big bed before me, but it was empty. I opened the door more.

"Katniss?" I whispered. There was no answer. I frantically searched the rest of the house, yelling Katniss' name, but there was no reply. I quickly headed out the front door and searched for her all over town. I ran everywhere.

When I was a kid, I enjoyed the night. I loved the glowing lights from the street lamps or from the windows of those who were still awake. But since it was late- actually, more like early- and Katniss was missing, the district was eerily quiet; it wasn't as much fun as it used to be. The stifling silence made me feel sick. I had a gut feeling in my stomach that something bad had happened to Katniss.

Luckily, I finally saw her at the Meadow. I sighed in relief. I quickly walked to her, about to take her into my arms. "Katniss, thank God you're here. I've been looking everywhere..." I trailed off.

Katniss turned around to see me. She was already sitting next to someone. Their shoulders were touching, and it seemed that Katniss had had her head on his shoulder, too.

"Hello, Peeta," said Gale with a curt nod.

* * *

"So," I started, "what did you guys talk about?"

I know it probably wasn't the right thing to say at the moment, but I was genuinely curious. Plus, Katniss was already in a bad mood so it wasn't like anything would have changed.

Katniss glared. "Why does it matter?"

I sighed, my shoulders sagging. I gave up. I didn't want to fight anymore. "I'm going to go to bed. Good night."

I hesitated before going upstairs. I didn't know whether Katniss would or wouldn't want a kiss, and I quickly thought about it. I just shook my head and headed upstairs. Not tonight. I finally decided that we were both just too tired and grumpy.

"Peeta." I stopped on the third step.

I tensed and didn't turn around. Instead, I just let out a noise. "Hmmm?"

There was a pause and I finally turned around to see Katniss looking very uneasy. "I'm sorry." She broke eye contact with me and stared at the fire that was close to dying out.

Once she apologized, I really relaxed. I hadn't realized that I had been holding my breath, and I finally took in a deep breath of air. My shoulders sagged as I walked back down the stairs and headed over to Katniss.

She was in her night clothes and her hair was falling out of her loose braid. She still had pieces of grass and leaves in her hair from the Meadow. I smiled, pulling out the little parts of earth. "I'm sorry, too." I finished fixing her hair and moved my hand to her face. Katniss closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into my palm. I stroked it with my thumb. "I should have just brought you to the Meadow. I was just so concerned and worried about your health."

Katniss continued to amaze me every day. Here she was, wrapped up in a blanket, her tangled and unbrushed hair in a loose braid, and her eyes with dark circles underneath. As I looked her over, I only just started to realize the burn marks and scars that she had all over her body. I was so used to them that I never paid any attention to them. They were a part of her. However, she still looked gorgeous, and it took my breath away.

"I love you," she whispered, her eyes still closed.

I stopped stroking her cheek and instead moved my hand behind her neck. I gently pulled her head towards mine so I could lay a gentle kiss on her lips. It was wonderful. It probably was really stupid to do this since she was sick, but I didn't care because I could feel the hunger taking over me and I became desperate for another kiss.

Katniss pulled her warm lips away from mine too quickly. She put her hands on my chest and I covered them with my own. "Peeta, I'm sick."

"I don't care," I repeated as I leaned in once again. Unfortunately, Katniss turned her head.

"Well, I do. Don't kiss me." Katniss was back to her old self. I managed to give a little frown and Katniss just chuckled. "You're ridiculous."

I was about to protest before Katniss took her hands out of mine and pressed a finger against my lips. "Let's go to bed, okay?" I nodded and she took my hand, leading me up to the bedroom.

I went upstairs and got ready for bed. Katniss, already exhausted, immediately dove into the bed and curled up into a little ball. I chuckled and she let out a groan. I finished brushing my teeth and then changed into a thin shirt.

I climbed into bed next to Katniss and wrapped my arms around her from behind. I pulled her in close and dug my face into her neck. "I love you, too," I said, my voice muffled. I started kissing her neck.

Katniss chuckled. She tried to move away, but I held her close. "Peeta, stop." She continued to laugh, trying to escape.

I smiled and eventually calmed down. However, I continued to clutch Katniss tightly against me. We shuffled so that I was lying on my back and she was lying on my chest. My free hand that wasn't wrapped around her immediately went to her hair, playing with it.

As I continued to stroke her hair, my mind drifted off to thinking about the future. I was hoping that Panem would be able to officially clean itself up soon. It was getting better, but I was still reluctant to believe that everything would be completely good. It wasn't that I wanted to be pessimistic, I just didn't want another Hunger Games to happen. My mind immediately went to memories of when I was teenager. On the day of the reaping, my heart sank when Prim's name was called. I almost cried when I saw her being taken away by Gale after Katniss had volunteered. But as soon as I was called, I knew straight away that I was going to keep Katniss safe. It no longer mattered that I wasn't going to survive, just as long as Katniss would be safe.

"Peeta?" I heard Katniss mumble.

"Yeah?"

"I forgave him..." I heard her sigh and then shift so her head was more comfortable on my chest.

I continued to stroke her soft, brown hair. "I know." I waited until I heard Katniss start to quietly snore. "I would have, too," I whispered, knowing she couldn't hear me.

* * *

**Well, well, well. **

**Last time, I updated (on time, by the way) the longest chapter of the story and it got zero reviews. ZERO. What is this? So, you guys are really lucky that I decided to stay up tonight and update another chapter before Wednesday. HIB and I were thinking about just having you guys wait a whole week, but no! We would never be that mean, ha ha ha. **

**HIB and I still love you guys, so don't worry. I mean, _Searching for Release_ has been added to many Favorite Stories lists and Story Alerts, so that means some of you guys must be liking this story! Plus, it's just under 700 hits, I think. Hopefully, HIB and I can have our story reach 1,000 hits pretty soon.  
**

**Anyway, here's a little chapter that HIB and I wrote. We hope you like it. Sorry it's not much, but then again, HIB and I are updating early. Just so you guys know, HIB and I are currently writing chapter nine at the moment (of course, not RIGHT now because I'm too busy writing this and uploading the chapter), and it's looking pretty awesome, in my opinion. Something is going to happen! I know, I'm very vague, huh? Anyway, it's rather long, so don't worry, there will be longer chapters coming up!  
**

**Wow, I just realized how long this author's note is getting. I will bring this to an end now. Feel free to comment, review, give advice, review, ask questions, review, etc. Blah, blah, blah.  
**

**BTW: If you guys review and correctly tell HIB and me what song the title of our story is from, you get a sneak peek of the next chapter! :3  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	5. Fire

5. Fire

Another nightmare. It seemed like I could never find a way to get away from them. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom, throwing up last night's dinner. I sighed.

I lied down on the cold, tiled floor in the bathroom. I felt extremely nauseated, but fortunately, the cool floor was slowly making the painful headache go away. Peeta hadn't rushed into the bathroom, so I assumed that I hadn't woken him up; I was very thankful. Peeta wasn't getting much sleep because of me, and it made me feel horrible. It was starting to get annoying how, whenever I was sick, he felt the need to do everything. I mean, I was sick, that's all. There wasn't much else he could do.

Once I was done vomiting, I brushed my teeth and headed downstairs. I started a fire because I was so cold. I couldn't stop shivering. I found a blanket on the nearest chair and wrapped it around me. I sat in front of the fire.

I didn't know what was happening. Ever since the dream I'd had about Prim, I had been getting similar nightmares. Prim would be pulled away from me, but she would always be willing to go. I didn't understand. I _couldn't_ understand.

I constantly wondered whether I should tell Peeta about these nightmares or not. I mean, ever since the nightmares, I had gotten sick and sometimes even hallucinated. I didn't want to tell Peeta. I didn't want him to be more worried, and I also didn't want to be sent to some ridiculous Capitol doctor. It didn't matter that the Hunger Games were over; the idea of having a strange doctor examine me or put me into therapy for being crazy, especially with my past, didn't sound appealing. I started to worry. I didn't know what to do. I had a feeling that my nightmares were causing all of these problems, but I also didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I didn't know which was the better thing to do. I honestly had no clue.

I continued to sit in front of the fire when I heard the front door open. I was confused for a second, remembering that Peeta was upstairs where I had left him. Then, I saw Gale's back.

"Do they not knock in Distrtict Two?" I asked, feigning annoyance.

Gale turned around so fast that he accidentally hit a vase and knocked it over. I cringed, waiting to hear the sound of shards of glass spreading all over the floor. However, I didn't. I looked up to see that Gale had caught the vase. Unfortunately, he didn't stop the water from spilling on his pants. I had never laughed so hard in my life.

"To answer your question: No, they do. However, District Two must have made me clumsier in the past couple of years..." He stared down at his pants. He smiled and shook his head. "This is too embarrassing."

I continued to laugh, but got up and headed over to the cabinet where the hand towels were stored. "Here," I offered as I held out a towel.

Gale let out a chuckle. "Thanks."

I started to feel cold again and a little nauseated, so I headed back towards the living room where I found my chair again. "You can borrow one of Peeta's pants if you want."

I heard Gale walk into the living room. "No, that's all right. I mean, it's just water...right?" I knew he was just teasing.

I shook my head. "You're ridiculous, Gale."

Gale took a chair and pulled it up next to mine in front of the fire. He must've noticed my shivering. "Katniss, are you seriously cold enough to have a fire? It's only about sixty degrees outside," Gale stated with a perplexed look etched on his face.

I tried to act as casually as I could, but I wasn't feeling so well, so I wasn't sure how casual it really looked. "Yeah, I'm just a little cold, that's all."

Gale didn't look convinced. "What's really wrong, Katniss?"

I tried to look taken aback because he wouldn't believe me, but really, I was just annoyed that he could see through me so easily. "I'm fine. Nothing's wrong."

Gale pointed at me. "Your hair is a mess, you have bags and dark circles under your eyes, and you're constantly shivering. Oh, not to mention you look as pale as a ghost. Yeah, you're not fooling me."

I sighed. _Should I tell him? _My mind was thinking so fast that I was worried I was going to pass out. I mean, since Gale wasn't Peeta and was often more understanding, maybe he wouldn't tell anyone about it. Then again, maybe he would be just as worried as Peeta. It wasn't like Gale never worried about me.

"Katniss?"

I looked up to see Gale looking at me with worried eyes. Yeah, it was better not to tell him.

"I had the doctor come, and he told me I have the flu. I don't exactly know how I got it, but I've just felt so exhausted all week."

At least I wasn't lying to him. I felt a little less guilty, but I still felt something gnaw at my stomach. I felt like I should have told him, but my mind told me otherwise. I honestly didn't know what to do, so I decided to just not do anything. I just quickly changed the subject.

"How is Hazelle?" I asked.

Gale glanced out the window. He seemed distracted. "She's fine," he said, not looking away from the window.

I almost regretted bringing up his mom. That was why Gale was in District 12. He needed to take care of his mom, so he was currently staying in the district. Although Rory was old enough to take of everybody, Gale didn't feel like it was right. Gale didn't want his brother to be forced to take his own place. Gale didn't care about his life as much as he cared about his siblings' lives, and he wanted them to grow up with less pressure and responsibility. I could understand. I had felt the same way about Prim.

I just stared at the fire. I was transfixed by the glowing red and orange color. All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain enter my head, and I caught a glimpse of Prim in the explosion. It was so quick that the next thing I knew, I was on the ground. I couldn't see for a second; everything was black. I couldn't hear anything, either. I felt like I was in some sort of limbo; some sort of place that I couldn't escape from. Fortunately, after several minutes of being in terrible darkness, my sight came back to me.

"Katniss?" I heard Peeta before I saw him.

I gulped in a big breath of air. I was shaking uncontrollably. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I couldn't do anything except blink and breathe. I tried to talk, but a raspy gasp came out instead.

"Gale, go get Dr. Lewis. Quick," Peeta instructed.

I looked up to see his face. His hand immediately went to stroking my cheek. I was able to calm down enough to sit up.

"Slowly, Katniss. There. Now, can you tell me what happened?"

Peeta's voice seemed to be getting farther and farther away. It was a shame because his voice was the most mellifluous sound I had ever heard. Everything seemed to be slow, too. I couldn't process exactly what Peeta was saying anymore. It was very strange. I saw his mouth moving, but I couldn't make any connections. I just stared. Eventually, I could feel myself being picked up and brought over to the couch.

"Katniss?" I finally heard the worried tone again. I looked up.

"Peeta?" I croaked out. I heard Peeta give a big sigh and rest his head on my stomach. My hands immediately went to his hair and I stroked it. I was finally aware of my surroundings. "What happened?" I asked. I didn't remember what had happened.

Peeta lifted his head and went to look at my face. "You must have passed out. I was sleeping and then all I heard was Gale yelling my name. I came down and saw you on the ground with your eyes open, but you weren't responding to Gale or me." There was a pause before Peeta added, "What do you remember?"

I went through the events in my head. _Well, there was the secret that I was thinking about telling Gale._ "I was talking to Gale. He was looking out the window, and I was looking into the fire... Then I don't remember."

I did remember, though. I just didn't want to tell him. I tried to think what this meant. Why did that random outburst of Prim's image cause me to blackout? I didn't know the answer, but I did know that I wasn't going to tell Peeta about it. I didn't know if I would even tell anyone; I could fix this on my own. I just needed to find out how.

* * *

**Hi, hi.**

**So, here you go. Sorry this isn't a long chapter, but there are some later on that are fairly long. HIB and I just stop whenever we feel it's appropriate. We don't really focus on the length. Plus, I think we update often enough to not torture you guys. So, honestly, I have to say, I think we're doing pretty well, don't you think?  
**

**Anyway, so I wrote a little one-shot for when Katniss runs to the Meadow and sees Gale. It's called _The Meadow_, and it's on this profile. Please check it out and review! Hopefully you'll like it. It's in Gale's POV. Hopefully, you'll find that a different POV is both interesting and somewhat refreshing, too.  
**

**Hope you like this chapter. Honestly, if you want HIB and I to update faster, you'll have to review or comment somehow! That's how we get motivated. I think we might plan on having just weekly updates. Does that bug you or is that all right with everyone? Please let us know!  
**

**See you next time.  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	6. Don't Tell Peeta

6. Don't Tell Peeta

Dr. Lewis came quickly, followed by Gale. I was relieved that Katniss was conscious and finally able to speak, but I was also worried about Dr. Lewis' result from Katniss' examination. Dr. Lewis did his usual routine of checking her breathing, eyes, blood pressure, etc. However, there was a part of the examination that I wasn't used to.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mellark, but could I have a word with Miss Everdeen?" There was a pause before Dr. Lewis added, "Alone?"

Although I liked Dr. Lewis and normally never questioned the way he did things, I couldn't help but wonder why he wanted to have a private conversation with Katniss. "Why?"

Dr. Lewis shook his head. "That is for Miss Everdeen and myself to know."

I didn't like the way he said it, but I let it go, knowing there wasn't much I could do about the situation. As long as he helped Katniss, I decided that I didn't care what his strategy was. I gave a quick glance at Katniss and she nodded. I walked over and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll be at the bakery, all right?" I stroked her hair.

"Okay."

I walked through the door, Gale following me. "What would he be talking to her about, do you think?"

"I don't know, Gale," I grumbled, not happy about Gale's sudden appearance. It had only been one day and I already couldn't stand him. I was glad that Katniss was able to finally forgive him- she had missed him, I could tell- but I didn't understand why he was here all of a sudden. Also, it almost felt as if nothing had happened between him and Katniss. I mean, he wasn't here and then he was. For some reason, this really annoyed me. "If I knew, do you think I would have asked Dr. Lewis why he wanted to talk to Katniss?"

Gale got the message almost immediately. He stopped walking, but I continued on. I almost felt bad for snapping at him, but I had too many things on my mind. I didn't hear Gale respond, so I just kept walking to the bakery. Hopefully there would be no more distractions...

I walked through the busy streets of District 12. Luckily there weren't too many people out since it was still early, so I didn't have to be too careful about where I walked. Some citizens of the district were walking past me, lifting up their caps and greeting me with the occasional, "Morning, Mr. Mellark." I was too distracted to start up a conversation, so I just sort of smiled and nodded back.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Dr. Lewis could be talking to Katniss about. Were they keeping secrets from me? _You don't need to get into everybody's business, Peeta. She doesn't have to tell you, _I thought to myself. What I didn't understand, though, was why Katniss would be keeping a secret from me. We had been living together for at least five years. I thought she was comfortable with telling me anything.

This started to make me question myself. I fingered the leather ring located in my pocket. I carried it with me at all times so that when I knew it was the right time, I would have it with me and I could propose to Katniss. I had planned on giving Katniss and myself some time to fix ourselves, and although we haven't quite done that, I think five years has been a long enough time to wait. It was only until about two months ago when I realized it was time to buy the ring. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I was just hoping that she felt the same way.

* * *

I watched as Peeta left and Gale followed after mumbling, "Bye, Catnip."

I stared at the doorway until Dr. Lewis brought me out of my daze. "Katniss," he said while finding a seat next to me, "I'm going to ask you some questions and you have to answer truthfully, all right?"

I started to feel a bit nervous. I didn't know what questions he was planning on asking, and I didn't really want to find out. However, I nodded. "Okay."

Dr. Lewis leaned back into the chair that he was sitting on, finding a comfortable position. While he attempted to find a way to commence his questions, he rubbed his hands nervously. It was very unnerving.

"Katniss," he started, looking straight into my eyes. I always hated it when he began a sentence with my name and then a pause. All it did was make me more impatient. "Have you had any attacks in the last year or so?"

I tried to think. "Do you mean, like Peeta?" He nodded. I didn't understand why he was asking if I had attacks. I wasn't the one who was hijacked with tracker jacker venom. "No."

Dr. Lewis leaned over, picked up his medical bag, and started rummaging through it for several seconds. He eventually picked out a clipboard and a pen. He scribbled some notes down before continuing his inquisition. The longer this took, the more I dreaded it.

"Have you had any bites, rashes, or allergic reactions?" He continued to scribble down in his notebook. I started to sweat, finally feeling hot for the first time in days. I shook my head.

"Have you been sexually active in the last- er- in general?" His hands were shaking, and I was close to dying of embarrassment.

"Yes," I peeped out. It took every ounce of strength I had to not look embarrassed. I wanted so badly to run my hands through my hair or do something with my hands, but I remained still.

"Unprotected?" His eyes peeked up from his notebook and looked me over.

"No."

As he stared at me, I knew he could see the truthfulness in my facial expression. Yes, I was nervous about some of his questions, but unprotected sex was not one of them.

Dr. Lewis looked back down at his notebook and scribbled some more. "Have you been having any strange dreams lately?" There it was.

I paused. Dr. Lewis stopped scribbling and looked up at me. "...Yes," I mumbled, looking down at my motionless hands in my lap.

"Tell me about them." I paused, not sure of what to say. Should I leave some things out? Dr. Lewis continued to stare at me. Didn't he know it was rude to stare? I started to get annoyed. "I'll make a deal with you." I looked up. "If you tell me everything, I'll make sure that whatever you're afraid is going to happen will not happen."

Although I had never liked doctors, for some reason, I trusted him. I took a deep breath and explained all the dreams I had about Prim. I explained how every time I recently had a dream, it would be in a different location, but Prim would always say the same thing.

"Essentially, Prim would be telling you that you still have a reason for living. A purpose," responded Dr. Lewis, settling his notebook on the floor beside him. I nodded. "She would tell you that you're needed, unlike she. She needs to move on, but you must stay."

I couldn't speak anymore. I didn't even want to think about it. "This morning, when I stared into the fire, the image of Prim in the explosion made me blackout."

Dr. Lewis nodded. "I see..."

He said nothing more, and the minutes that passed started to feel like hours. I grew more anxious as he continued to think and gather his thoughts. The look on his face didn't look promising. Eventually, I had to speak.

"What are you thinking?"

Dr. Lewis seemed to be brought back to reality when he heard my voice. "I think," he said slowly, "that your subconscious is trying to send you messages."

"I don't follow," I said, confused.

"While you're sleeping, your mind is sending you messages. Prim's death had the biggest effect on you. You feel a certain connection to her, and you can't let your mind function properly because you won't allow yourself to move on. I understand that her death was a very traumatic experience, but I think your body is trying to get you past this. You might be putting too much stress on yourself." Dr. Lewis shrugged. "Why your body is sending signals now and not five years ago, I don't know."

As Dr. Lewis explained this, I didn't know what to think. I was slightly relieved because I had some sort of answer to my sickness, but I was also slightly unhappy because there were so many questions left unanswered.

"I...How...Why..." I didn't know where to begin. I didn't know which question was the most important to ask. I didn't even know what questions I had because my mind was so jumbled with information, images, and questions. I eventually was able to ask, "What do I do?"

Dr. Lewis responded with a shrug. "I wish I knew. What I would suggest is that we have sessions every week, and I'll try to train your brain. I can't guarantee anything, but it's definitely worth a shot. Maybe even Peeta will have ideas, he's a smart-"

"Don't tell Peeta," I blurted out. "Please don't tell anyone."

After killing Coin and being deemed "mentally unstable," I didn't want any more attention from the town or from all of Panem for that matter. The number of cameramen and journalists that were stalking and lurking around mine and Peeta's house were finally lowering, finally finding other places to roam. I couldn't let this happen again. And even if that didn't happen, I wouldn't want to be sent back to the Capitol to try to figure this whole thing out. I wanted to stay in District 12, where no one could reach me, and where I could be left alone. Also, if Peeta knew, he would be so upset. He wouldn't be able to handle the fact that I was equally just as messed up as he was and that I possibly couldn't be cured. It was too much stress for him and honestly, it would be too much stress for me.

"Are you sure that's wise?" He was skeptical, but I could have cared less.

I ignored his question. "When do we start?"

He must have seen my glare and understood that I wasn't going to change my mind about not telling Peeta because he just answered my question and didn't ask any more. "Every Wednesday, two to four."

"Okay," I replied. I didn't care if it wasn't smart to keep this so secretive. All I wanted was for this to fixed as soon as possible.

* * *

**Hello, everyone.**

**HIB is currently at camp, so she'll be gone, and I'm sad. I think I'm suffering from HIB withdrawal. *sigh* So, reviews would definitely be nice. I would be so much happier, and it would make me look forward to telling HIB all about it!  
**

**We hope you guys liked this chapter. Now you know what's up with Katniss...Yay?  
**

**So please, review, PM, etc., and let us know what you think! We updated a day early, but we didn't think you'd mind. ^.^ We should be posting a new chapter soon, too. Before next Wednesday. And my birthday is this Saturday. Soooooo, maybe you'll get a little treat!**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	7. Just Another Place

7. Just Another Place

Several weeks had passed and not much had changed, except possibly the weather. It was now November and the snow was starting to fall. Not much accumulated yet, but we had several flurries come and go. It was also going to be Peeta's birthday in three days, and I still had no clue what to do about it.

Peeta made it clear he didn't need anything special, and I certainly wasn't going to host an ostentatious party. I suddenly had a flashback of the Capitol party that Peeta and I were forced to go to. I cringed as I remembered the party guests were intentionally throwing up so they could have enough room in their stomachs for seconds while people in other districts were starving.

Effie Trinket knew what she was going to do. She claimed that she was going to organize a nice and charming party with treats and decorations. I gave her an annoyed look, hoping she'd get the message that this was probably not a good idea. These days Peeta's attacks were unpredictable, and Peeta started to feel claustrophobic whenever he was surrounded by people. However, Effie disregarded my arguments and responded with, "Katniss, stop worrying. He's going to love this." I eventually stopped fighting against the idea and decided that this actually might be what Peeta needs.

When Peeta came home later, he noticed me curled up on the couch, staring off into the fire. I was really starting to get sick of the indoors, wanting so badly to go out and hunt, but it was starting to get really cold outside. Plus, I was still sick. Although I was improving from my appointments with Dr. Lewis, it was subtle. With that said, I was still imprisoned, not allowed to leave the house often if not at all. I gave a sigh, as I imagined the tall, familiar trees that I would pass by as I fetched for my father's bow.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I could hear his sympathetic tone; it annoyed me.

"I thought I was supposed to rest," I called out blandly.

I didn't take my eyes off of the fire in front of me, nor did I even flinch. I was completely and utterly bored. I hadn't gotten up all day or even showered for that matter. I felt disgusting, but I didn't see the point in showering since I wasn't allowed outside anyway.

Peeta heard my annoyed tone and tried to make it dissipate. "Well, I think you've gotten enough rest, don't you think? I'm pretty sure you haven't moved at all today, and I'm starting to get depressed just by looking at you." He let out a sigh. "So, I will ask again: Do you want to go for a walk?"

I was going to say no just to spite him, but the idea of getting out of this dreadful house was just too great, and I knew I couldn't decline the offer. I sighed in defeat. "Let me get dressed." I saw his smirk as I passed him, and I swear I could have hit him.

* * *

It was a nice little space. We sat down on a rock ledge overlooking the valley. It was surrounded by berry bushes, which allowed us to hide away from unwanted eyes. The cloudy sky was a light gray as flurries of snow came down. I wrapped my arm around Katniss, but made sure the blanket that she was wearing was securely wrapped around her first.

There was a long silence where Katniss and I just sat, looking down at the vegetation that engulfed District 12. I could tell she was thinking about something, but I didn't want to bring her out of her thoughts, so I remained silent. She liked to keep to herself sometimes, and I would always respect that. I just stared at her, completely transfixed. The way her loose waves of hair moved with the wind, circling around her gentle and tired face, made me stare in awe. She occasionally sniffed because of her newly developed cold, and her cheeks were the rosiest color that I had ever seen. She was so beautiful. She was always so beautiful.

Eventually, she spoke. "This was our place."

"Mmmm?" I asked, starting to focus on what Katniss was saying, trying not to distract myself by staring at her perfect lips.

"Mine and Gale's. We would sit here just about every time we hunted." She continued to stare off. I was expecting her to say more, but she didn't.

"Was?" I asked. I was confused. "What is it now?"

It almost seemed as if she didn't hear me. Her facial expression remained the same, and she didn't look at me. However, she eventually spoke. "I don't know." She shrugged. "Just another place now."

Katniss didn't seem to be upset, she was simply just stating the facts. This spot didn't feel the same to her, but she seemed to be indifferent about it. How could places that had so much history just become "another place" and be forgotten? I didn't understand, and this made me sad. Perhaps, though, she did feel some sorrow. Perhaps she wasn't as impassive as she was letting on. I guess I would never understand what was truly going on in that mind of hers. But, I knew that she was at least trying to let some things go now. Katniss grew up too fast and wasn't allowed a proper childhood, and with that, she was learning to leave things behind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do that.

Then again, I could understand that things were different now. Reality changed the way we had perceived things. Innocent thoughts that were already scarce were gone, and instead replaced with haunting memories that no one could fully escape from, no matter how hard they tried. As I was reminded of this, I felt empty inside. I felt like my world had collapsed, which it pretty much did. Nothing could take away this grief. Even Katniss could only do so much.

I grabbed Katniss's hand and kissed it. I wasn't exactly sure of what to say, so I didn't say anything. I think that was the right thing to do because Katniss finally looked over at me and gave a small smile.

* * *

We were walking back from the woods. We passed the Meadow and saw many families there, laying flowers in front of the memorial. Some were searching for relatives' names, some just observing, and some merely sitting quietly in the field, glancing at the memorial from a distance, not needing to come closer. Farther off into the field, children were running along, playing happily despite the biting wind.

Peeta slowed down and I realized that he had made eye contact with one little girl. She looked up at him timidly, covering her smile with her little hand. Peeta smiled back. Her long blond curls bounced happily as she skipped towards him.

"I know who you are," she responded happily. Although she acted shy, it didn't stop her from coming over and talking to Peeta.

Peeta knelt down in front of her. "You do?" His smile grew wider, if that was even possible.

The little girl nodded. "You're the baker." She started to swing her body from one side to the next, her hands clasped behind her back.

Peeta let out a chuckle. "You're very right." The girl let out a giggle. "Do you come to the bakery often?" The girl nodded not saying more. "Well," said Peeta, "the next time you come to the bakery- er-"

"Anabelle," replied the girl with another giggle.

"-Anabelle. Well, the next time you come to the bakery, Anabelle, you must directly ask for me, and I'll give you a special treat, all right?"

The girl nodded and responded with an "okay" before running off, without even saying a goodbye. Sometimes I didn't understand little children, but they certainly were cute.

Peeta chuckled and grabbed my hand, taking one last glance at Anabelle running towards her family before walking off. We walked in silence on our way home. I looked at Peeta and saw a faint smile still etched on his face. I started to feel guilty. I knew Peeta wanted kids more than anything, but I wouldn't allow myself to do it. It was still so soon after the Rebellion, and although Panem seemed to be regaining order, I wasn't completely convinced that it was all over. Yes, Snow was dead, but that didn't mean that everyone was thrilled to be going through this reconstruction. Some citizens still wanted me dead after instigating the Rebellion, and some still believed in the Hunger Games. Things could still happen, and I didn't want these possibilities to become reality, especially for my children. I couldn't have children. Even after telling Peeta all of this, he still didn't understand.

"It would help all of us, Katniss," he had argued when I had told him no. I shook my head, not allowing myself to believe him. I wanted him to be right, but there was no way anyone could tell.

"What about your attacks, Peeta? You can't have attacks in front of our children." Once I brought up this point, Peeta said no more. Unless we found a solution to his attacks, there was going to be no addition to this family.

However, I was beginning to question my decision once I saw how happy and calm Peeta was around children. It could possibly help him with his grief, but then again, it could for a little while until he had an attack. I knew that Peeta wouldn't be able to live with himself if he had hurt one of our children. He had to understand eventually that I was just looking out for him. We wouldn't be happy with children. We would only be happy until we became scared again.

* * *

**Hi, guys!**

**Guess what? I'm sixteen now! ^.^ Sorry I couldn't update sooner. I was busy working on my summer assignments and shopping! I promise, though, the next chapter will be up very soon. Definitely before the week is over. HIB is still currently away, but no matter! She will just have a lot of reading and catching up to do once she has returned! I'm still writing, and not out of ideas! Yet...  
**

**Anyway, I hope that you like this chapter. Don't worry, everyone. HIB and I will go into more depth on Gale & Katniss' relationship and Katniss' recovery. In fact, there IS a reason why we even had all those scenes with Katniss and her "sickness." It was to explain something kind of important that was mentioned in the epilogue. So, just hold your horses if you're thinking, "Wow, so, like, what happened?"  
**

**Also, I feel like I haven't gotten a chance to really explain how appreciative HIB and I are. We already have 17 reviews, 22 Alerts, 14 Favs, and 2,000 hits. You guys are seriously amazing, and you really do help us write. You guys inspire, encourage, and walk with us every step of the way. We love you so much! So, seriously guys, thank you for everything.  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	8. A Little Surprise Party

8. A Little Surprise Party

Haymitch sat glumly at the dining room table, his expected liquor bottle placed right next to him. He played with his glass with one hand while the other held his head. I could tell that he was not excited to be at this party that Effie so _generously_ decided to organize. The others, however were chatting happily, waiting for the birthday boy to arrive.

Effie managed to call some of Peeta's old school friends and present employees, and get them to come to the party. The only thing that I was worried about was the amount of people present. I was hoping it wouldn't intimidate Peeta. Ever since Peeta and I had come back to District 12, Peeta became more of an introvert and liked to keep to himself. He liked to have company, of course, but only in small numbers. He wasn't used to bigger crowds.

"Okay, everyone! He's coming up the street!" Effie whispered excitedly throughout the front room. People hid behind couches and chairs, some hid behind the coffee table. I knelt down by the dining room table.

"Dress a little short there, Sweetheart?" I heard Haymitch ask. He was still sitting at the table even though Effie was motioning for him to get down. He ignored her, which was quite difficult, as she was waving her arms in every direction.

"Effie chose it for me. I would be wearing pants and a simple shirt if it were up to me," I grumbled in response as I tugged down the bottom of my dress, trying to cover my exposed skin.

Haymitch shook his head, a faint smile creeping upon his face. "Just because Eff chose it doesn't mean you have to wear it, Princess."

I let out a frustrated sigh and mumbled, "You wouldn't understand."

Haymitch let out a dry laugh and a sarcastic remark. "Oh, right. Like I wouldn't understand. It's not like I've spent several years with the monstrous woman."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his words. "Monstrous woman." It had a nice ring to it. However, I wasn't as cruel as Haymitch, and although she really could get under my skin at times, I appreciated everything Effie did for me. I would never admit it aloud, but in a way, she was like family. Just like Haymitch finally was. There was a sort of understanding between Effie and me where she knew that I was thankful to have her in my life, but that she still made me cringe in annoyance.

I was suddenly aware of the doorknob turning and Peeta opening the door to find everyone screaming out, "Happy birthday!" Approximately five seconds later - probably delayed because of his drunk state- Haymitch gave a sarcastic cheer. "Happy birthday, Peeta!" He then proceeded to get up and mumble something that included the words "more" and "drink."

Effie, completely astounded by Haymitch's rude behavior, quickly regained composure and beamed at Peeta. "Peeta!" she said cheerfully, continuing to wave her arms like a maniac. "Katniss and I decided to throw you a... _little _surprise party!"

I immediately turned my head and glared at Effie. _ME?_ This was not my idea at all. In fact, I was the one who repeatedly protested against this ridiculous plan, and now she wanted to just dump this blame on me? I was fuming. Effie glanced at me and gave me a questioning look with her eyes, yet her beaming smile still remained on her face. I was so tempted to wipe it off.

There was an awkward pause as everyone stared at Peeta, who had not moved. We were all waiting for his response, and I started to worry, biting my lip in the process. Soon enough, Peeta finally shuffled his feet and gave a small smile. I could see through it, though. I knew something was wrong.

"Wow, Effie. Katniss." He slowly nodded at Effie and then me. "This definitely was a surprise, and thank you very much. I appreciate it."

This made everyone satisfied, and a crowd of people went to go see the birthday boy, while the rest stood in the house and chatted. I squeezed myself through the groups of people, trying to reach Peeta, hoping he wasn't anywhere near to having an attack.

However, once I finally reached him, I saw him raise his hands in the air and quickly smack himself on the forehead. "I'm sorry, everyone. I forgot that I had left one of the machines on at the bakery. I will be back and then get a chance to thank everyone personally." I knew he was lying. There was no doubt about it. And before I knew it, Peeta was out of the house.

I quickly walked by everyone, trying to make it out of the house before Peeta was too far away to catch up on. Luckily, I saw his small figure almost running down the street. "Peeta!" I yelled, trying to get his attention. This only made him walk faster.

I tried to sprint so I could finally catch up with him, but I couldn't because of my horrendously short dress that kept riding up. I made a silent reminder to kill Effie the next time I saw her. Finally, though, I was able to catch up with Peeta and stop him.

Peeta glared at me. "You know big crowds make me nervous. Why would you do this to me?" His sharp tone made me flinch.

"Peeta, the party was not my idea, I swear. I was the one who was completely against it," I tried to explain. "I have a feeling Effie wanted to give me credit, too, but I swear it wasn't my idea."

"Then why didn't you stop it? Katniss," Peeta hissed quietly, glancing around him, paranoid that someone was listening even though there wasn't. "What if I had an attack right then? You know how unpredictable they can be. I could have had one on the spot."

I nodded my head. "I understand, Peeta. I really do. But I couldn't change Effie's mind. You know how she is," I explained. He shifted his gaze down towards his toes. "Besides, if you had felt an attack coming on, you could have just left. There would have been enough time. Effie and I were thinking that this could possibly help, but I wasn't expecting Effie to invite so many people, and personally, I preferred not having a party at all."

Peeta sighed and looked at me. "I think that would have been the better choice." I nodded. There was a long pause before Peeta said, "What should we do?"

I held his hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. "Why don't we just see how it goes? If you feel too uncomfortable at any time, let me know, and I'll have Haymitch take you out of there. By the looks of it, I think Haymitch would love to have an excuse to get out of that house."

Peeta gave a little smile and a chuckle. He lifted my hand, pressing it to his lips and then sighed. "Fine, but let's wait a bit so they're not suspicious about the fact that we had just left and are now all of a sudden back. If I start to feel an attack coming on, you better get me out of there or lock me in a room. I can't control myself after that." He still looked apprehensive about going back to the house, but at least he was willing to give it a try.

* * *

We waited outside for a few minutes, walking around the block. It felt so nice and simple to be talking with Peeta about normal things, to be holding his hand, to be laughing at his jokes. By the time we got back to the party, people were already eating, and someone had put some soothing classical music on. The only person who really seemed to be missing us was Effie.

"Take all day, why don't you?" she hissed at us when we came back in.

"Sorry, Effie. Thank you so much for planning this for me. I'm utterly surprised!" Peeta said, being the gentleman he always was. This made Effie relax a little. She clapped her hands and smiled at us.

"You're very welcome, Peeta. It was my pleasure!" She whirled off, in search of something to nit-pick about. I didn't care what she did. As long as Peeta didn't have an attack, I would be happy. While holding his hand, we went around thanking people for being there, making general small talk. I was no good at it, and I was still a little tired from my bout with the flu, so Peeta did his best.

I watched his eyes carefully; they were a dead-giveaway for an attack coming on. I paid more attention to the tenseness of his muscles than the conversations we were having. To me, it didn't matter. It was Peeta's birthday and I would worry for him if I had to. Eventually, we made it to the table where Haymitch, yet again, had a drink in his hand. It never ended with him.

"How's it going, Haymitch?" Peeta asked, sliding into the seat next to him. I could tell that this was where he needed to be: With me and Haymitch. Talking about the present while avoiding the past because we all hated it.

"It's going..." Haymitch replied, taking another gulp of whatever alcohol he had managed to procure. He set his drink on the table and slapped Peeta on the back. "Happy birthday. You're another year closer to death." He mumbled this second part, trying to be funny, but instead only making Peeta uncomfortable.

"Thanks..." Peeta said, carefully and slowly moving Haymitch's drink away from him.

The party continued, and everything was fine until Peeta spoke again. "Katniss?" Peeta was suddenly still. He sounded scared, not entirely himself. I watched Peeta warily. I reminded myself how quickly the attacks could come on. Not only did it scare me, but it made me feel guilty. He was right. Too many people wasn't good for him, and it was my fault for letting them into our house.

"What?" I asked. Was it going to happen? Right now?

Peeta glanced at Haymitch. "Do you mind if we go upstairs? I want to show Haymitch the paintings I've been working on," Peeta continued. I nodded. It was a good excuse, and Haymitch agreed to go upstairs. I stayed sitting at the table, not really sure what to do next.

All of a sudden, Effie appeared at my side, trying to entice me to help set out snacks and desserts. I didn't want to do it. She started the party, and she could set it up. I was more focused on Peeta and the fact that an attack was imminent. I sat down, my hands shaking in my lap as I silently prayed to whichever god would listen to me.

"Fine, Effie," I said, giving up when Effie asked me- once again- to help with the preparation of the snacks. I needed to busy myself anyway. Who knew how long this would take?

"This has been so successful. I honestly don't understand why you are not enthusiastic at all, but I am sure that you are on the inside. You are just not wanting to show it because, for some unfathomable reason, you just enjoy being so grumpy and miserable all the time..." I knew Effie was getting rather annoyed, but I didn't feel like explaining Peeta's situation, so I just remained silent, letting her vent about how strange I was. I was surprised and a little glad that she was stating what she disliked about me to me. I mean, if she wanted to say something, it was better to just tell the source straight away. She was getting bolder and more comfortable, and I was glad that she was finally able to stand up for herself. It might have been just in front of me, but it was a huge step, and I was glad that I could make someone stronger instead of weaker for once.

* * *

**Hello, hello! **

**I'm such a nice person because I'm updating so soon! I only got one review on the last chapter, so I'm gonna give a sort of "honorable mention" to the person who reviewed. Thanks so much, ilikebread1! YOU ARE AWESOME. Honestly, you deserve an award. ^.^  
**

**By the way, from now on, I'll do this with anyone that reviews. Hopefully that will get you guys to review more! I know you're out there because there are at least 20 people following this story.  
**

**Anyway, hope you liked this chapter. Ohhh. What's gonna happen to Peeta Chip? :D And yes, guys. Katniss IS better. And I WILL explain what happened to her... later. ;)  
**

**Lots of love, guys.  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	9. False Alarm

9. False Alarm

"Just calm down, Peeta. Man, it looks like you _want _an attack."

"I most certainly do not want an attack, but I feel weird," I said, gripping the edge of the dresser, praying that I didn't get an attack. It would be really embarrassing (if not dangerous) if I had an attack and everyone downstairs could hear me, even over the music and conversation.

I felt weird because I didn't feel anger as much as annoyance, and my mind was still intact. No visions were starting to appear at random, and I wasn't progressively getting worse. Normally, I would have a couple seconds notice before I experienced pain and went crazy, thirsty for Katniss' blood. I didn't understand how I wasn't having an attack. Was it done? Did I find a way to get over them? I felt a surge of hope as these thoughts ran through my head.

"Uh, this might just be me from my Scotch, but are you supposed to be smiling when you're having an attack?"

Haymitch's voice brought me out of my happy little daze, and I looked up at him. "I don't feel an attack coming on anymore. Do you think I stopped it?" I stood up, still staring at Haymitch with hopeful and questioning eyes.

Of course, Haymitch avoided my question. "What was making you feel weird?" He looked suspicious, almost as if he didn't believe that I had felt an attack approaching.

I hesitated, my smile fading. "I felt- feel annoyed and anxious." I thought about what I had said for a second, and then started to frown. "Maybe I just mixed my feelings and I actually wasn't going to have an attack..."

Haymitch looked at me. He brought a hand up to his chin and started rubbing his stubby facial hair. I waited patiently as he continued to ponder. _That's it, _I thought. _You just mixed up the feelings. You're not over the attacks. You never will be, you idiot. _It was strange how ever since I was tortured by the Capitol, I could easily change emotions right before my own eyes. I went from what I thought was anger, to anxiety and annoyance, then to being hopeful, and finally to emptiness as I realized that I had not fixed anything. I was simply just not having an attack. I put my head in my hands.

"Do you know why you are feeling anxious?" Haymitch seemed truly curious.

I thought about it and then knew what I was going to do. It was the right time now. My hands started to shake from nervousness. I clasped them together and rested them in my lap. I licked my lips and could feel sweat oozing uncomfortably from my skin, dampening my shirt and the hair at the nape of my neck. I gulped. "Yes."

There was a pause as Haymitch just stared at me. Then he gave me an incredulous look and screamed, "Well, what is it, boy?"

I lifted my hand up to my neck and started to rub it nervously. I took my gaze away from Haymitch, looked off to the side, and stared into the mirror. I could see my flushed face, and I immediately tore my gaze away from there. I finally settled onto my feet that I nervously shuffled. "I'm going to propose to Katniss," I mumbled.

There was a short pause before Haymitch whistled, leaning back into his chair, his hands behind his head. He made himself more comfortable. An annoying smirk appeared on his face. "Well, that would certainly make someone anxious," he stated. His smirk was making me uneasy.

"Why are you smirking at me like that?" I snapped, not understanding what he found so amusing. I was now worried, afraid that he wouldn't approve. I normally didn't care what others thought, but he and Katniss had very similar ways of thinking. If he thought it was a terrible idea, Katniss probably would, too.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," he said, waving his hand. "Why are you so anxious, though? You've done this before." He winked teasingly.

I sighed. "This isn't the same, Haymitch. It wasn't real."

Haymitch asked, "Are you sure about that?"

I didn't understand why he was asking that; he knew it wasn't real. "Yes. She didn't love me then. We were young, too. Teenagers shouldn't get married..." I trailed off. The sad thing was that I _was_ prepared to get married. I didn't want to go through with it because I knew Katniss didn't want it. If Katniss didn't want it, I didn't want it. However, we were expecting to actually get married, and I personally was ready for it. I knew I didn't want to be with anyone else. There honestly was no one that I'd rather be with. When I had proposed to her before, I knew that she was the right choice. "It was real for me," I finally whispered quietly.

Haymitch sighed. He sat up and then leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "Listen to me, Peeta. She might not have realized she loved you. You guys might not have been ready to be married. You definitely shouldn't have been forced into it, but..." he paused to give me a weird look, "she would have been happier with you than with anyone else."

I thought about this. I was still unsure. I was pretty sure that Katniss was really annoyed with me at the time. No, not annoyed with me, but... "She liked Gale at the time."

Haymitch finally got up and shrugged. "Well, It doesn't matter anymore, does it? That was in the past." He went up to me, stumbling a bit from the alcohol in his system, and smoothed out the creases in my shirt, attempting to make me look nicer. "Good luck." He pinched my cheek, patted me on the shoulder, and stumbled off, leaving me in the room.

I sighed. I tried talking to Haymitch and got nothing out of it. I was possibly more anxious and confused than before. "Well, that was helpful," I sarcastically whispered to myself. "Let's do this, then."

* * *

I was surprised to see that once I was downstairs, everyone was gone. Katniss was so engrossed in cleaning up the house that she didn't see me walk down the stairs until I asked, "Where did everyone go?"

Katniss continued picking up, but snuck in worried glances at me. "Are you back?"

I was confused about what she was talking about for a minute until I realized she thought I had an attack. "False alarm, I guess," I said, trying not to sound too nervous and suspicious.

Katniss was in the middle of clearing the table with food when she stopped all of a sudden, frozen in place as she gave me a confused look. "What was that all about, then?"

I sighed. I wanted to lie and say that I didn't know, but I did know. I didn't want to lie because that would make me the biggest hypocrite in the universe, especially after I've gotten mad at Katniss so many times for lying about minor things, like bad memories that she didn't want me to remember. My shoulders slumped and I gave a little shrug. "I just thought I was having an attack. Something didn't feel right." I was getting more nervous by the minute.

Katniss stared at me, the skin on her forehead crinkled from confusion. Despite the "thinking look" that she had on her face- the look that she used when she knew something was up and she was trying to think about what it could be- she slowly nodded her head, not asking any more questions. I was grateful. "Okay," was all she said before continuing to clean up.

I quickly moved over to her and took her hands before she could grab any more trash. "We can clean up later. First, I would like to talk to you." I gave a quick glance around the house before looking back at Katniss. "I just don't want to do it here."

"Why?" Katniss seemed to be looking around the house, too, following my gaze. "What's wrong with the house?"

I quickly shook my head. "No, no. There's nothing wrong with the house, but I just..." I trailed off, not wanting to give away any information. "I-I just want to go out for a bit. This house is just a little stuffy, and I want to go for a walk."

_Nice excuse, Peeta, _I said to myself, genuinely proud of myself for thinking so quickly. "But Peeta, we just went for a walk before the party..." I started to feel her stare, and I meant _feel _her stare. _Okay, that wasn't so great. That was actually pretty stupid. _

I just decided to stop trying to explain. "Katniss, can you please just listen to me? I have to talk to you about something and I can't do it here." I didn't mean to sound so frustrated, but Katniss was so inquisitive, it was killing me. I just wanted her to listen to me and not always be so stubborn. Then again, her defiance was a part of her. And to me, Katniss was perfect in every way, so really, I loved it. It was just that right now was not the time for her to be so stubborn.

Katniss crossed her arms and gave me a death glare. "Whatever you have to say, you can say right now. Here." I knew Katniss. I knew that she probably didn't mind going somewhere, but she was probably resisting because I had snapped at her. However, she did have a point. I shouldn't have snapped at her.

"Look, I'm sorry, but can we please go somewhere else?" I could feel the ring burning in my pocket. I was already so scared, Katniss really didn't need to make it worse.

She saw my defeated and impatient look and nodded. "Okay, let me just get my coat."

She walked to the closet and put on her shoes and a coat. She also came out with my coat. "Thanks," I murmured, kissing her on the cheek. Katniss just nodded in return. I think I was starting to make her worried, and that was the last thing that I wanted to do.

* * *

I was worried. I never had to deal with something like this before. Peeta had never asked to leave the house to "talk." So many scenarios ran through my head. He feels like he can't live with me because of the attacks. He has to go back to the Capitol because he can't control himself. He's upset because I've forgiven Gale. He can't stand to live in District 12 anymore. He wants to have children and won't stay unless we do. I didn't know why, but only terrible topics were coming to mind.

"...Katniss?" I suddenly snapped out of my thoughts and turned to look at Peeta. "Calm down, I can feel your palms sweating like crazy." Peeta tried to give my hand a reassuring squeeze, but I wasn't comforted at all. I just grew more worrisome as the time slowly passed and our walking pace slowed down. I was suddenly aware of Peeta's heavy breathing.

"Peeta, are you all right? We aren't going very fast and you're already exhausted," I said, biting my lip. Every step that Peeta took was a slow one, yet it looked like it was taking large amounts of energy.

"Yeah," Peeta said, somewhat grimacing and then facing away from me. "My leg's just being a little slow today." I stared down at his artificial leg and saw that Peeta was dragging it instead of picking it up. "It just feels so much heavier today. Maybe it's because I'm tired. Man, do I feel old," he said, trying to make a little joke. I couldn't help but smile a bit. However, it soon went away.

"Why don't we just sit over there, Peeta?" The park was just across the street, and there were benches to sit on. I was worried that Peeta wasn't getting enough rest and would pull muscles or collapse if we didn't stop.

"No, I can keep going." I stopped, tugging at his hand, indicating that I wasn't going to move. "Come on, Katniss. I'm fine, seriously."

"You're just about as fine as I was when I could barely move out of bed," I retorted. I had a tight grip on his hand so he couldn't get away. Normally, he would probably be able to easily rip it out of my grip, especially with all of his well-defined muscles. However, today he was tired and luckily, I could keep him still.

"Don't be dramatic," Peeta scoffed in between breaths. His breathing was just barely starting to slow down. This was so strange because it wouldn't have been because Peeta's not used to his leg. He was so used to it that he was able to run with it. Well, only when it was an emergency, but still. Walking should be easy enough now.

"I'm not moving." I was going to make it clear to him that he had no choice. "It's either the benches or right here."

"Fine," he grumbled. "Let's go to the benches." I smiled as I won, and I tugged Peeta's hand so that he was following me.

Once we finally made it to the bench, we sat down, both of my hands clutching his as he rested and slowed his breathing down. I looked around. The forest was on one side of the park while on the other side was the edge of the town's square. Ever since District 12 was rebuilt, the center of town expanded, opening more businesses and making our town feel more like a city. It was both wonderful and not so great at the same time. It was nice to see District 12 have some life in it and no longer look like the poorest district in Panem, but then again, I didn't recognize the district anymore. It had changed so drastically and the people that now lived here were from other countries. It was nice to learn other cultures and to see how they had changed since the natural disasters, but it was all so different. It almost felt as if everyone had completely forgotten the Hunger Games. Forgotten the victims and the people who risked their lives for this to happen.

The cold, biting wind was making my cheeks go numb, and I constantly blew on mine and Peeta's hands to make them warmer. A couple of years ago, I finally started to enjoy the cold, especially since I wasn't having to face starvation anymore. The air made me think clearly, made my mind go sharper. Every intake of the cold breeze made me feel better. I felt like I was really breathing in air. Of course, sometimes it got to be too cold, and every time I took in the chilly oxygen, my nose would freeze while I started to feel pain inside my chest. Overall, though, I liked chilly weather.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I finally asked, when I noticed that Peeta's breathing was under control.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I frowned, about to ask him if he wanted to head back home, before he down on one knee. His fingers reached into his pocket as he started to say, "I'm sorry this isn't the best setting, and this is definitely not the most perfect timing for you, especially since I thought I was having an attack and then right after, was having a heart attack from walking. On top of that, this all happened on my birthday, mind you."

I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at, but I smiled and said, as I brushed some blond locks out of his face, "You poor boy."

Eventually, Peeta's fingers reappeared, but this time with a ring. I didn't gasp, but I looked at Peeta questioningly, wondering if he was doing what I thought he was doing. "Katniss Everdeen. Will you marry me?" I opened my mouth, but then Peeta added, "Again?" He winked at me and I couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

**Herrooo, everyone!**

**Oh my gosh! What's this! An update on THURSDAY! I know, I know. *raises hands in surrender* I'm sorry. Wednesday was around twenty minutes ago. Well, I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to deal. If it makes any of you guys feel better, this is the longest chapter written! It's around 3,000 words long! So, there. A nice, long chapter to make it up. Forgive me?  
**

**I just wanted to give you guys a heads up. I won't be able to update as frequently because I'm going to France soon, and I have lots and lots of summer homework to do. Also, HIB has camp and some fancy things that she's up to. *sigh* So, we probably will have to stick to the "weekly update" rule until I'm all settled in France. So, maybe it'll be like this for a couple more weeks, and then school starts again for me! YAY... not. *pouts*  
**

**Anyway! Now that that's all cleared up, I just wanted to say, that I hope you enjoyed this chapter from HIB and me. Let us know what you think about it. I read over it, and I'm thinking, "Meh. Maybe we're rushing this. Maybe there's too much drama. Maybe there's not enough drama. I don't know." We've only gotten a couple reviews from the last chapter! I mean, they're all good, but I have about 27 of you guys on my 'Alert List,' and some of you guys haven't said much. I'm assuming this is a good story?  
**

**OKAY. ENOUGH TALKING. I really need a filter... Anyway, thanks to: MissMura & ilikebread1.  
**

**OH! I ALMOST FORGOT! *slaps forehead* I HAVE A LITTLE TREAT FOR MY NEXT REVIEWERS! If you review on this chapter, I'll send you a little one-shot of Katniss & Peeta in the future. Like, future-future. Whoa, not _that _far into the future. But, let's say, when she's preggers? ;) That's right. SO REVIEW AND YOU CAN READ THIS CUTE ONE-SHOT. It will most likely be a future chapter of this story!  
**

**Lots of love,  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


	10. Puppy Love

10. Puppy Love

It felt so good. My head was in Katniss' lap as she ran her fingers through my hair. My eyes closed and I sighed happily. It was the perfect end to the day. I almost fell asleep, but then all of a sudden, Katniss' fingers were out of my hair. I didn't want it to stop, so I opened my eyes, ready to complain. My complaining ceased, though, once I felt Katniss' soft lips linger on mine. Unfortunately, her lips went away too soon. I groaned.

"Katniss, why do you torture me like that?" I heard her chuckle.

"Because I still have to show you your birthday present." For a moment, I had forgotten that it was still my birthday. I had been so preoccupied with the proposal.

"I don't need any more gifts, Katniss." I sat up, putting an arm around her shoulder.

She stopped and looked at me. "You really thought that I wasn't going to get you anything?" She gave a little smile and then kissed me again. I wanted to kiss her for a longer period, but she kept pulling away.

Before I could answer, Katniss was peeling my arm off of her, grabbing my hand instead, and leading me downstairs. She was genuinely happy and practically yanking me down the hallway. "Slow down!" I yelled, laughing slightly. "You're acting like an excited puppy." We reached the staircase and Katniss stopped, looking at me with wide eyes. "Are you okay? I'm not really mad, I was just teasing," I assured her.

Her shoulders sagged, her worried expression fading. She said, "Just come on."

I didn't understand what that weird look was about just five minutes ago, but I didn't want to question it. I wanted her to stay happy, and anything that I did that would make her upset would make me upset, too. I let out a chuckle.

"Hey, easy. My leg isn't cooperating today," I said, gingerly taking steps down the stairs. I think I was just extremely tired. For some reason, my leg was just feeling really heavy today.

Once we finally made it into the living room, Katniss sat me down on the couch. She half-raised her arms, indicating that I should stay where I was seated. She then ran off to one of the back rooms down the hallway. Why was she going all the way to one of the back rooms? Was it too big to wrap? I was starting to to get a little excited and curious as to what she had gotten me.

I started to hear little yelps and I strained my neck to see what it was. However, I couldn't see anything because the couch was too far away from the hallway. I was starting to get a bit worried when I heard no response and instead heard louder yelping.

"Katniss? Is everything all ri-?" I stopped, my mouth open. A smile creeped on my face and grew wider as Katniss continued to approach me.

"Happy birthday, Peeta," said Katniss with a smile.

I looked at her with utter amazement. I scoffed, unsure of what to say. I was entirely speechless. "It's... amazing!"

Inside a carefully weaved basket, sat two puppies. One seemed to be a golden retriever puppy, the other a black lab. They were the cutest things in the world, besides Katniss, of course. They cried out, their tiny paws leaning over the basket's edge, wanting to be let out.

I walked over to the basket and picked up the two dogs. Their little tails wagged as they continued to yelp, their cries not mature enough to be full barks. I placed the black lab on the couch beside me, and he continued to run around in circles beside me. I started to pet the little golden retriever, and he licked my face.

"Aw, you're just so cute, huh, buddy?" I said to him. I looked up at Katniss, who seemed to have picked up the black lab. "What should we name them?" I asked.

Katniss gave a thoughtful look. She shrugged before saying, "For some reason, I wanted to name yours Chance." I thought about it. Chance. It was a wonderful name. "They're both boys," she added as she continued to play with the black lab.

"It's a wonderful name. Chance it is." I looked up at Katniss, who gave me a little smile. I then proceeded to think of a good name for the little black lab. I pondered for a couple minutes before I found the perfect one. "Kieran," I said.

Katniss stared down at the little dog in her arms, petting its short hair. She gave a long look at him before she nodded. "Kieran," she confirmed. I gave her a big smile.

I looked at the two puppies, constantly barking and wagging their tails with excitement. It seemed like they were already starting to get familiar with this home. I hoped they would love it. I started rubbing Chance's stomach and he lied down on his back, his paws up to his chest, his legs spread out, and his tongue sticking out. He was panting, probably from being so ecstatic and from his running around earlier. He seemed to love getting belly rubs. "Welcome home, Chance."

I continued to play with the puppies for a while, and Katniss decided she was going to clean up the rest of the trash from the party. I didn't like the idea of her cleaning and working while she was still sick. Well, she said she was fine, but I wasn't so sure. However, after talking to Dr. Lewis, she seemed to be getting exponentially better, but I didn't understand why. Katniss wasn't taking any medication or anything. I started to become curious, and then I realized that I didn't really know what had happened between Dr. Lewis and Katniss.

"Katniss." I tried to get her attention.

"Hmm?" she asked as she swept the floor in front of the door. I didn't understand why she was cleaning the front entrance now, while winter was fast approaching. It would just be dirty again, especially with the polarized weather we were getting. When it was cold enough, it would snow, but soon melt, leaving us with mud. When it wasn't cold enough, it would just be rain, again resulting in mud. The front doorway would be almost impossible to keep clean.

"You never told me what happened between you and Dr. Lewis. What did he want to talk to you about? Did he give you any medication?" I felt the impulse to ask more questions, but I started with the most important ones first, not wanting to overwhelm Katniss.

"We just talked," was all Katniss said, continuing to clean. She didn't necessarily sound harsh, but she had a dead tone. I didn't know what to think of it. Was she upset? Angry?

I knew that I was probably in for a slap to the face, but I was very curious. I mean, how could you go from nightmares, to vomiting and flu-like symptoms, to blackouts, and finally to being well again without some sort of medication?

"Well, what did you talk about?" I knew what was going to happen before she even did it.

Katniss stopped and quickly turned around, glaring at me. She let the broom that she was holding fall. "Why do you always have to know everything?" She snapped.

I started to feel angry. "We've been living together for five years, and we're engaged. What does that mean to you?" My breathing started getting heavy. "To me it means commitment. It means you tell me everything and don't leave anything out."

Katniss gave me another death glare, her nostrils flaring. "Well, maybe we shouldn't be engaged then."

It felt like a slap to the face. I wasn't expecting this. It seemed almost as if she wasn't either. "Take it back, Katniss." She didn't say anything and I screamed, "You don't mean it."

She threw her hands up in the air and said, "Of course I don't mean it. I just wish you would let it go!" She started to walk away before I could say anything.

"Where are you going?" I said, my voice quieter. I was slightly relieved that she wasn't going to break off the engagement. But there was still a problem that we needed to fix.

She was heading up the stairs before she said, "I'm getting my stuff and moving to the spare bedroom."

"What?" I asked, running up the stairs behind her. I couldn't catch up because of my slow leg. I was still so exhausted and there wasn't much energy left inside of me.

She went into our bedroom and slammed the door. I leaned against the door, ignoring the pain in my leg. "Katniss, please." I scrunched up my face in pain. I resisted the urge to groan. "Why won't you let me know how you got better? Why is it so hard to explain it to me?"

There was a long, silent pause on the other side of the door. _She probably has some sort of illness that she doesn't want to talk about, _I said. Once I started to think about it, I got extremely worried. Was it a fatal illness? Was she not telling me because she knew it would tear me to pieces? No. She would tell me if it was something that important... right?

I gently pounded on the door. "Katniss, please." I decided that I would sit in front of this door all night if I had to. I would wait until Katniss came out. I felt empty being without her, and if this was going to be the closest I'd be to her, then so be it.

* * *

I stayed in the room for a couple more hours. I paced back and forth, running my hands through my hair. I had never been so stressed. I hadn't heard a sound from him in the last hour, and I was too afraid to open the door. Too afraid to talk to him. _You're ruining his birthday because of your selfishness, Katniss. _I was so unbelievably disappointed with myself because of this. First, I snapped at him when he only asked a question, then I proceeded to yell at him and not tell him anything, and finally, I threatened to break off the engagement. Yes, I was annoyed with the fact that he constantly bombarded me with questions. He did need to respect my space. I wasn't going to tell him everything; some secrets were mine. But it was his birthday, too. Threatening to leave him was just unbelievably rude, but I couldn't apologize. I couldn't leave this room. _No, Katniss. You're not being selfish. You're telling him to leave you alone, which is exactly what he needs to do. _I was so confused. It felt almost as if two people were inside my head telling me what to do. I guess, in a way, there were.

My jumbled thoughts continued to be more complex and harder to organize. I continued to pace, but the feeling of guilt became too much. I finally opened the front door, getting ready to look for Peeta who was possibly downstairs, before I looked down to see him on the floor asleep. My heart sank. This couldn't get any worse.

"Of course you would stay on the floor, Peeta," I mumbled, feeling guiltier by the second. I kneeled down next to him and grabbed his arm. "Peeta," I whispered into his ear. I felt bad waking him up, but there was no way that the floor was comfortable. "Wake up, let's get you into bed."

"...Katniss?" Peeta mumbled sleepily, his eyes opening, but only slightly because of the bright bedroom light. It didn't take long before he realized where he was and what had happened. "Look, Katniss. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start a fight... I got so upset and-"

I cut him off. I gently pressed my hand over his mouth. "Shh. It's okay. Let's just get you to bed, you've had a rough day." _Yeah, because of me,_ I added in my head.

Peeta sighed, but nodded, starting to get up. He probably was too tired to argue, and for that, I was very grateful. I didn't want to focus on finishing our fight. I just wanted Peeta in bed and rested.

Peeta wrapped his arm around my neck and I helped him walk over to the bed. He was too heavy to carry, so letting him lean his weight on me was the best I could do. Once he finally got into bed, I took off his shoes that he still had on, and wrapped the bed sheets over him.

I was about to leave the room until I heard him say, "Katniss?"

I walked back over to the bed and sat down beside him. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

I took a deep breath, trying really hard to keep it together. Peeta both angered me and made me feel unbelievably guilty. The thing was, he wasn't trying to make me feel guilty. He was genuinely sorry when he apologized, and he always tried to make things better. This frustrated me to no end because I felt the need to apologize when that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Despite the frustration I felt, I also felt a little tingling sensation run through me as he said those three words. I leaned over and kissed him lightly. I then stroked his cheek. "I love you, too." Peeta sighed, turning his head into my palm. He quickly fell asleep after that.

I was about to head into bed myself, until I realized that I should probably check on the puppies. I turned off the main bedroom lights and instead turned on a lamp, so I could have some sort of light, but it was at least muted enough to not shine on Peeta.

I went downstairs, prepared to search the whole house for the energetic puppies, but as soon as I was downstairs, I saw Kieran and Chance curled up together on the couch. They were fast asleep, their little paws tucked underneath them, and their little bodies curled up into little balls. I suppressed a sigh.

I quickly turned off the lights and headed for the stairs, but a wave of exhaustion hit me, and I settled for the chair next to me. I had enough time to wrap a blanket around me before I quickly fell asleep.

* * *

**Hi, hi! **

**First of all, HIB and I want to tell you guys how happy- no- ECSTATIC we are that we got EIGHT reviews on the last chapter! We hope you all enjoyed the one-shot! :)  
**

**Anyway, I do have some bad news. I don't think I can update next Wednesday. It's going to have to be a little later, maybe Thursday or Friday, because I'm actually traveling on Wednesday. I'll be in a plane... TO FRANCE!  
**

**Thanks so much for the support. Thanks to those who reviewed: Iheartbakers, MsAmiClassified, AlexMichele, LiveInTheMusic, HungerGamesLoverXtreme, ilikebread1, Thynerdgurl, and Guest. Thanks to those who read this story!  
**

**Until next time,  
**

**tonks-quinn57 & Hillary Izzy Blair  
**


End file.
